And so it goes...

OK well... let me begin by sayin.. that this has overall been a pretty good last couple of days... I have been hanging out with my most favorite person in the whole world.. lately... and i absolutley love that... However i have had a few issues that have been bothering me and caused me quite a bit of grief tonight... well is started last night when my dad told me if i don't get a job in two weeks he is kicking me out of the house.. and he is tired of me doing nothing all the time... which i can understand.. im tired of doing nothing.. which could be part of the reason im feeling so shitty... but we will get to that..  another thing that is bothering me.. is that my mom the one person in the whole world who can truly understand how i feel about my dad.. has turned into the very man she divorced.. there is no conversation unless there is a lecture involved.. i havent had a conversation with my mom in over 2 months... which is something i would expect from my Father not my mom.. maybe she is just to busy for me i dont know.. all i know is that im completely tired of have no damn family...  and another thing that is bothering me is i think all of these years of doing nothing in school.. is catchin up to me.. i FINALLY REGRET NOT doin a damn thing all through high school.. and it took the most amazing girl in the world to show me this... everytime i hear Erika and her mother talking about college... i feel like i should be doin this too... i shouldnt be goin to bcc... im happy for erika i really am.. but im goin to miss the hell out of her more then i thought possible... and everytime i hear them talkin its a combination of ouch.. im gonna miss her... and ouch.. im a falure who doesnt have a job.. and is goin to BCC.... its like i dont deserve someone like erika.. she is goin to fuckin COLUMBIA  University... and is dating a nothing goin to BCC... it really truly feels like i dont deserve her... i know she will say different.. but she has so much goin for her... and i really dont.. and i know her mom feels this way which makes things 500x worse.. but whatever its just rough... welll i think i am done ranting for now.. i bid u all farewell.. and goodnite...