It's been a while

It has definately been a while since I have updated this journal. There are numerous reasons for the lack of attention paid to my journal. Basically I started this journal as a means to vent, and ask myself rhetorical questions, with no real thought or attention given to the fact that people may read these things...

So i find now that i have very little to rant about, and whatever it is i need to rant about.. i have the most amazing girl in the whole wide world to rant to... she is everything to me... and we talk about absolutely everything. Which makes this journal unecassary... i have need to discuss things, because i really dont need people to know my business... which seems that all these damn journals are good for is spreading drama... nothing of any substance or value reallly come of these stupid journals...

I love Erika with every ounce of who i am she is my world.. and means everything to me.. so basically do not expect any journal entries any time soon, because any issue i have i discuss with my girlfriend, not the rest of the world. I actualy recommend it, instead of bringing the world into your drama. Discuss the promblem or dillemma with the person you have the problem with or your close friends. Perhaps this is just me getting tired of highschool bullshit, and having to starve for attention so i post all of my issues on this blog.

That is all goodnight all

it takes a real man to cross dress

so last night erika and i went over to Katie Buffa's and played Truth or Dare Jenga which was pretty amusing to say the least... mosgt of the dares were silly things like sing a song.. or.. impersonate a peron in the room.... however occasionally someone would draw one such as "switch an aticle of clothing with another person" and after a while we decided that we should just swich clothes altogether.. so katie ended up wearing cozz's clothes and i ended up wearing erikas clothes etc... and then we played twister... it was quite the night... and the best is yet to come.. because eventually erika and i left... and headed out toward the car... and i guess Katie and cozz forgot that there was a window that u can see in the basement through... and that was effing hilarious... but no matter... so then erika drove me home.. and we stayed outside my house for about 2 hrs talking.. it was so much fun.. i just love being around her and talking to her... well i think i am off it is 80's movie day... good god have mercy on Katies soul for she no not what she does..

The joys of election years....

this is merely politics not meant to offend...

well again Brian... u make it say that Kerry is not going to do much better then Bush, however u are still goin to vote in favor of Kerry.. dont get me wrong... i respect ur decision to vote forever you chose... but i feel it is my duty as many of you know to play the not-so-popular role of devil's advocate...

How can you say Kerry is more trustworthy...the man lies half the time.... is he for or against the war in Iraq?... is he for or against abortion?...is he for or against eliminating the marriage tax for the middle class? is he for or against the patriot act?...how does he stand on the 1st Gulf war?..how does Kerry stand on an ammendment banning gay marriage (and Brian the excuse that Bush will vote for it because of his beleifs and Kerry will because he is spineless is a weak excuse... but i guess if you judge Kerry based solely on how he votes for things that could just get confusing)?...how does kerry feel about the death penalty for terrorists?..How does he feel about no child left behind?...Affimative action? health coverage?...

These are just a few of the MANY Many issues Kerry has flip flopped on.... you may be sick by bush standing for religous morals and beliefs, but the bottom line is at least he stands for something.... and to have such a problem with religion it absurd... 95% of the world beleive in some sort of religion... so to be sickened by it is nuts..

Kerry has proven to be MORE untrustworthy then Bush... If you can find me an instance where Bush has lied... with full knowledge of his lies... then i will concede... Kerry's war record has been seen be ful of holes,untruths, and down right lies.... For example Kerry's lie about spending Christmas in Cambobia in 1968... after Nixon said that there will be no troops in Cambodia on Christmas... Kerry has said ON THE SENATE floor that this will haunt him forever and still to this day blames the government.... however THIS NEVER HAPPENED.. HE WASNT THERE... and the boat under his command in Vietnam unloaded on an innocent Vietnamese famliy killing all 4 member ( to be clear im not blamming him for this... i understand how war works and it would be unfair to judge sumone based on these extrenuating circumstances) although i do blame him for lying to the navy about the whole thing.. when he filed his report on this incident.. he created a hole division of viet cong that he destroyed.. which again was just a figment of his elaborate imagination....

more recently Kerry has said that if he were president he would do EXACTLY what the 9/11 commision said to do... however.... a few months back... both Kerry and Edwards had the oppurtuntiy to put there name on a bill that would do what the commision said... about creating a Nation Itelligence commitee... however Kerry hasnt been to 39 of the 48 meetings in the past 2 years...

And as far as family is concered... shall we compare Laura Bush to Teresa "the wacko" Heinz-Kerry... this lady is ridiculous.. when speakin at the Democratic National Convention.. instead of focusing on her husband.. she goes on a rant about how woman are oppresed throughout the world... yet makes no reference to Laura Bush's Nobel Prize Finalist efforts in liberating the women in Afghanistan...

And to say the rest of the world doesnt like us because of Bush is again wrong... the is a slight minority that is shown on left side biased media as to be a huge majority of the world... and the Eurpean countries dont like us because we are capitolists.. and/or we beleive in the sanctions that the UN... puts on countries... France didtn vote for the resolution because they were getting cheap oil illegally... and were giving weapons to Iraq...there really isnt a huge difference between Bush and Kerry... so i dont think getting rid of bush and putting Kerry in will solve that problem...

That is all i have to say... just doin my part to share my side

things to ponder

Things bother me that shouldnt bother me... and i try to not let them and yet they do...

What could possibly be better?

so.. last night was Erika's and mine 6th month anniversary.... so we decided since i have no job and cannot afford to eat out... that we would cook ourselves dinner... so i grilled a steak for us.. and she made some AMAZING vegetables that i absolutely love... and BAKED POTATOES.. one of my favorite foods in the whole world... and then we ate this magnificent feast on a small table just big enough for two... with candles... and soft relaxing music in the background... it was amazing... after we were done with dinner we baked ourselves a cake... and then ate cake and watch Empire Records...this was maybe the closest i have ever felt to Erika... and it felt so good.. then after the movie we went to bed.. her mom wasnt home.. so i slept over... i love sleepin in the same bed as her... it is truly breathtaking.. to wake up to her... to sleep with her in my arms.. i cant get enough of it... so we went to sleep.. and then i drove her to work this morning... which i wish i could do every morning.... but honestly last night i felt the closest to the girl i love then i ever have... and i look forward to many more times like this...

Today is a world made for now...

so I got my haircut yesterday... and i like it... so thats cool... its pretty damn short.. but whatever it was time for a change... so pretty much not alot has been goin on.. just hanging out with the love of my life.. and it feels great no matter what we do... last night we went to Jonny's and watched Batman ( a classic peice of cinematic art)... and that was a good time.. it seems that everyone is getting along well and that makes me feel good... Well today is me and erika's 6th month anniversary.. so i think we are going to make dinner tonight which is going to be so much fun... i cant beleive how close i am to erika... she knows everything that goes on in my mind.. and it is really really great... i have never felt this close to a person and dont know if it even possible to get any closer then we are.. she truly is my best friend.. i know how people will just say that.. but really when i need advice i go to her.. when i need encouraging i go to her.. she is the only person i can tell every secret in my arsonal... and it just means alot to me.. that she is always there for me.. it is so fun how far we have come... if someone would have told me 8 months ago that we would be where we are right now.. i would have laughed.. but now that we are 8 months later.. i cant picture it any other way... because she is my rock.. my staple.. and i love her!!
well thats all for now...

180 degrees...

ok wow... what a difference a few days can make... So I still have no job.. although i should get one before next monday which is always good... and my mom still nags and lectures like its her damn job... and Erika's mother still has some sort of issue with me... or anybody that could be me... so some of you may be wonderring what the hell is so good with you these days, absolutely nothing has changed since your last tirade? and my answer to that is... i have the most amazing girlfriend/bestfriend a kid could ask for...Erika has been my rock.. and i love her for it... she is their to console me when needed... lecture me when needed... and tell me when I'm being a jerk (not needed very often)...Actually im not really bothered my Erika's talk about collge anymore.. it really doesnt bother me anymore... Yesterday Erika felt bad saying she would be excited about collge when she was around me... and that kinda hurt... not because she would not say something around me... but because she really felt that way i dont ever want her to feel like she cant be excited about this amazing experience she is in for... she worked her ass off to get here.. and she damn well deserves to be excited about this.... hopefully i will pay my penence for 4 years of nothing this year and join in her in NYC next year... Last night erika and i got to talkin about how we felt a few moths ago about each other and our relationship... and erika said that up until fairly recently she might have wanted to try non-exculsive dating... which she had mentioned to me before but never as a potential happening.. so i was kinda shaken up by that.. but i know she doesnt want to know.. and it has long been determined that we are goin to stay together this year...Actually the reason i am so happy is because im kinda excited about next year... not goin to BCC or doin anything new, but for a different reason... a challenge im looking forward to with every bit of adventure in me.. the challenge to stay with erika through this year.. i know we will do it.. and i know it will be great... and i know that when we get through this year.. there is nothing that the two of us cant do... and that feeling when i get there is goin to be sheer extacy.... and that feeling is worth the wait... and its not like she is living very far so i still get to see her through this challenge....lol

And so it goes...

OK well... let me begin by sayin.. that this has overall been a pretty good last couple of days... I have been hanging out with my most favorite person in the whole world.. lately... and i absolutley love that... However i have had a few issues that have been bothering me and caused me quite a bit of grief tonight... well is started last night when my dad told me if i don't get a job in two weeks he is kicking me out of the house.. and he is tired of me doing nothing all the time... which i can understand.. im tired of doing nothing.. which could be part of the reason im feeling so shitty... but we will get to that..  another thing that is bothering me.. is that my mom the one person in the whole world who can truly understand how i feel about my dad.. has turned into the very man she divorced.. there is no conversation unless there is a lecture involved.. i havent had a conversation with my mom in over 2 months... which is something i would expect from my Father not my mom.. maybe she is just to busy for me i dont know.. all i know is that im completely tired of have no damn family...  and another thing that is bothering me is i think all of these years of doing nothing in school.. is catchin up to me.. i FINALLY REGRET NOT doin a damn thing all through high school.. and it took the most amazing girl in the world to show me this... everytime i hear Erika and her mother talking about college... i feel like i should be doin this too... i shouldnt be goin to bcc... im happy for erika i really am.. but im goin to miss the hell out of her more then i thought possible... and everytime i hear them talkin its a combination of ouch.. im gonna miss her... and ouch.. im a falure who doesnt have a job.. and is goin to BCC.... its like i dont deserve someone like erika.. she is goin to fuckin COLUMBIA  University... and is dating a nothing goin to BCC... it really truly feels like i dont deserve her... i know she will say different.. but she has so much goin for her... and i really dont.. and i know her mom feels this way which makes things 500x worse.. but whatever its just rough... welll i think i am done ranting for now.. i bid u all farewell.. and goodnite...

Very First Entry

Got kinda bored this morning... so i figured i would do the cool thing and start an online journal.. Kenny helped talk me into it... but yea.. not alot goin on.. so im just putting in my first of many very "vanilla" journal entries.... good day to u all