merely a breif summary...

I don't really know what is compelling me to write in this fossil of a Blog, but something is in fact compelling me to write. I haven't posted on this blog in nearly a year and a half, but again i guess i have something to say.

A lot has changed since my last update... ALOT... to be expected i suppose. Over the last year I've done quite a bit of 'growing' as a person. I've become much more self sufficient, and independent. I have experienced things that everyone should experience in their life. Life has thrown it's curves, it's put speedbumps in the road, and its handicapped the invinsable. I've since outgrown the naievete associated with youth and have begun to begin.

Initially i had a hard time adjusting to my and erika's breakup, in retrospect not because it was completely out of blue and unexpected, (because it was expected, due, and necessary) but because the thought of not having erika there was the most frightening concern. I honestly couldn't remember how to be single, how to have fun without a girlfriend, which as pathetic as that sounds is the truth. I forgot what it was like just to go out with a group and meet people. I lost sight of some truely good times i had single. The breakup between erika was particularly hard because for the first time ever i was alone.

Through most of my time in New Jersey Steve was my 'wingman' and my best friend. He was Bama the short kid who always had my back. When i started dating Erika was about two weeks before Steve was leaving for basic training. Leaving Erika to occupy my time, and she did, quite well. Erika left for college the following fall, and initially that was tough, but i visited almost every weekend, and everything was still good. Things got rough in the begining of the summer, simply because the distance crushed us. When we broke up at the end of the summer I was moving to a new place with no connections, no friends, and now no erika. I didnt do well in Pittsburgh, although i made friends, i wasnt comfortable. In retrospect it wasnt Pittsburgh it was me. I was going through a rough time and it was easiest just to blame the location.

I have since outgrown those issues and am now as content as have been for over a year. I like who i am, i like how my relationships are and ready to begin again.

I am moving to arizona this summer and i couldn't be looking forward to it more. My life these past couple of months has been quite a ride. I've 'sewn some wild oats' and i dont think im ready to quit that just yet. Best of all I now know how to be single, alone, and just a friend. I may not like being alone, but ive learned to live with it. Meaning I can be single if need be. Relationships are great, and so is being single. One day ill be ready for a commitment, but ive learned through a recent failed relationship. I cant commit to another person when i'm not content with my own situation. I need to be able to put that person first, and cant do that when i dont truly know myself. All in all im glad ive updated this... still dont know what compelled me to do this, but im glad i did...now im off to go be me.